Yeah, I have no idea what got into me yesterday. I can't even blame it on hormones. I genuinely don't know what it was. All I really know to say is that overall, I think that I can describe myself as a pretty happy, upbeat, enthusiastic person. As a matter of fact, my 'enthusiasm' was identified as one of my biggest strengths at my recent job performance review. But even happy people have their down days. I'd probably describe how I felt yesterday as overwhelmed. (I'm a freakin' therapist and that's all I can come up with?) It actually felt strangely kind of good to just let myself be in a bad mood...I tend to take it upon myself to be there for everyone else and stay positive most of the time. Well, sometimes I want to be pissy and I want people to listen to me (or read about my pissiness), too.
The good news is that I'm over it. I had this really productive day...I actually went to bed early last night and woke up at 4 AM and got all kinds of stuff done for work. I had a good day at work. Going back to working with kids was so the right decision. Working with substance abusers typically left me feeling more cynical and angry at the world and kids have this way of making me think that the world is all sunshine and rainbows and bunnies. (And Play-Doh, of course, because Play-Doh is the shit.)
And, since I like to be honest when I sit down and write, part of getting over it is admitting what some of the root of the problem is. I've been watching a lot of friends just kill it lately at races and that hasn't happened to me in a long time. Simply put, I'm jealous. Don't get me wrong, I am also truly, genuinely happy for these people and if you ever hear me tell you congratulations or see me leave a congratulory facebook comment, I mean it beyond a shadow of a doubt. It's just time for me to figure out what works for me, too. But as Scott reminded me yesterday, there are plenty of people that would look at what I've accomplished over the last year as something epic. I think that what all this jealousy really means is that I've reached a point in my life where I've surrounded myself with some pretty badass people. So, I accept my position as a badass-in-training. I will try to join the ranks soon.
Another thing that has me a little fired up today is reading the comments about CRC on the Run with Theoden facebook page. We've got some great ideas and some good energy flowing right now and I'm excited to be a part of that. I think we're setting the bar high and I really want to live up to those expectations.
So, really, things have been going pretty well for me lately. Up next: running enough this week to justify everything I want to eat at my Mom's house for Thanksgiving, putting up my Christmas tree, running a respectable time at the Thunder Road half, figuring out some New Year's plans, and making some big adjustments to my training in 2011.
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