When I was a kid, my family and I used to play softball in our front yard. There's a semi-circle driveway that goes around my parents' house and I remember that if I was able to hit the ball far enough to go to the other driveway, I was pretty proud of myself and if I hit it past the other driveway and almost into the field beside the house, I was pretty sure I was headed for the Olympic softball team one day. Being home for Thanksgiving earlier this week, I realized how tiny that yard actually is.
Sadly, that pretty much sums up how I feel about going home. Going home and taking it easy for a couple of days no longer relaxes and rejuvenates me the way it used to. It actually leaves me kind of depressed. It makes me wonder if Northampton County always looked so sad and desolate and I just didn't realize it as a kid because it was all I knew. Every time I go home, my Dad inevitably makes some kind of comment about wishing I lived a little closer. I can't even imagine what life would be like there.
Being from a psychology background, my experience at home this week made me think about the nature vs. nurture argument. No one side of this debate will ever win and ultimately, I believe it's a continuum and we all fall in different places along the spectrum. Somehow I've ended up with completely different values and beliefs than my parents, even though I grew up surrounded by their views on life. I've always kind of had this feeling that although I do think my parents did a great job raising me, on some level, I would have turned out the same regardless. But I've seen environment play a huge role in people's lives as well. I've worked with kids who changed completely as soon as they were placed in a safe, supportive atmosphere. However, I think a lot of people tend to rely on the nurture argument to excuse their behavior. I remember one particular client that kept spouting out racist comments. Being a therapist, unconditional positive regard is first and foremost, but it was tough for me to keep my cool when this guy explained that he had 'gotten his beliefs from his father.' What was this guy in therapy for? Anger management and a couple of assault charges, of course, so I was able to (non-judgmentally) help this guy recognize that when you carry around hate all the time, it's going to affect your level of anger.
Anyway, there were some bright spots on the trip home. I was able to run a few miles with my cousin on Thanksgiving Day and had a good conversation during the run. I hope we can run together at Christmas, too. Thanksgiving morning, my Dad took me for a ride in his new truck so he could show me every bell and whistle on it and have some good father-daughter heart to heart chat time. My Dad deserves to have something nice and I'm also glad he feels like he can talk to me on an adult level.
Sadly, though, overall this week has left me feeling a bit down on myself. Running hasn't felt that great this week and I'm not sure I can PR at the Thunder Road Half and not sure I want to pay to do it if I can't. I'm tired of feeling like I throw myself into things and am unable to reap the benefits (running and otherwise).
To at least end this blog on a positive note (and since it's Thanksgiving week), one thing I'm extremely thankful for is my friends. I have some really great people in my life...friends I can talk to, friends that I have fun with, friends to run with, friends that know my weaknesses and still accept me. More than likely, if you're reading this, you're included in that group somewhere and thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment